Live with Less.

If you're looking for the next book to add to your home Library, please take my advice and get this book:

7 by Jen Hatmaker.
Jen does a 7 month experiement against the excess in her life. She wrote " Seven months, seven areas, reduced to seven simple choices. I'm embarking on a journey of less. It's time to purge the junk and pare down to what is necessary, what is noble. 7 will be an exercise in simplicity with one goal: to create space for God's kingdom to break through." She does this for two reasons- "first and foremost, repentance. 7 will be a tangible way to bow low and repent of greed, ungratefulness, ruined opportunities, and irresponsibility. It's time to admit that I'm trapped in the machine, held by my own selfishness. It's time to face our spending and call it what it is: a travesty. I'm weary of justifying it. So many areas out of control, so much need for transformation. What have we been eating? What are we doing? What have we been buying?  What are we wasting? What are we missing? These questions grieve me, as well they should. I'm ready for deconstruction. My second reason is for preparation. Most of my life is still infront of me yet....My children are still young- still entirely impressionable. It's not too late to untether them from the lie of "more" I'm hungry for reconstruction."

Her seven areas were Food, Clothes, Possessions, Media, Waste, Spending, and Stress.

As I finished this book in a matter of five days, it gave me a new and fresh perspective on things. Why can't we be happy with what we have when others have so little? I am always wanting more... I want a wooden bench in the doorway with wooden crates for shoes and coat hangers to hang our jackets that currently rest on our kitchen chairs.. I am always wanting more clothes even though I don't wear half of the stuff thats in my closet and overflowing to Blakelys. With everything that I have, it never seems to be enough, until I read this book and in particular this sentence. "I realized my slightly reduced life is still extraordinary in every way. There is no end to my advantages, for whatever reason I was born into privilege; I've never known hunger, poverty, or despair. I have been blessed, blessed, blessed- relationally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. My life is so happy it's almost embarrassing." I had to take a step back and think over my entire life. I too, was born into privilege, and the thought of me wanting more all the time, made me somewhat disgusted with myself.

I thought of this elderly man that I see every night around 5 on a corner bench wrapped up in a sleeping bag.  He zips this sleeping bag all the way up to his head and stays like that to get through the cold night. I realize that in some cases there are homeless that brought their situation upon themselves and others ask for money when they could be looking for simple jobs. This man is different, and I honestly feel bad for him. Every time I drive past him in my warm vehicle I just want to hug him and let him know that God is watching over him. One day when I was at the red light I saw this Asian woman walking towards him with a grocery bag full of food. She got his attention and as she handed him the bag, he shook his head no and put his hand up in a "refusing" manner. She shook her head yes, and pushed the bag closer. This man stood up, shook her hand, and said thank you. I drove off before I could see any more but I wanted to honk my horn and when they both looked over I'd give them the thumbs up. It's always nice to see others do service in a world where everyone is so consumed with themselves.

My little 228 page paperback copy is highlighted and scribed with questions and answers that I've asked myself through reading these inspiring words. It's sad that it took reading a book on someone bettering themselves to realize that I am unhappy with me. I suppose though, you have to sometimes compare your life towards someone else to realize if they can be happy with less and their life is still happy and centered around God, then there's no excuse as to why my life can't be the same.  I want to be happy with less and be happy with what I have. I know I am blessed; I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge, TV to watch, a computer to type this, clothes to clothe my imperfect body. A family to love and share my happiness and failures with. A good education and a Job that pays me every two weeks on top of teaching me things that will help for my future schooling. I am blessed, and beyond blessed at that. I want blakely to know the importance of being thankful for what she has and that the concept of wanting "more" is completely unnecessary.

Characteristic areas that I struggle with are Control: I am always wanting to be in control, and I freak out if things go array from plan. Judging: Unfortunately, this is something that I am really good at. In Matthew 7:1-2 it says "Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgement ye judge, ye shall be judged: and for what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again." Stress: well theres not much more to say other than it's my middle name. Simplicity: As long as I have a family to love, and the necessities to live, that should be enough.

I would love to do a 4 month experiment on tackling these four struggles, but I am going to be honest and say that would probably only last a week. Instead I am just going to pray and ask for the strength to get me through each day with remembering and touching these four areas. I am not perfect, nor do I intend to be. But maybe if I become better with these four areas, I'll be happy with who I am as a person.
Where there is more room for God, how could happiness not follow?

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. (Phil. 1:21)

Boobs are for Breastfeeding

Nursing does not diminish the beauty of a woman's breasts; it enhances their charm by making them look lived in and happy. 

-Robert A. Heinlein

Day One
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I may be physically alive but emotionally, I'm drained and at an end. I have been nursing Blakely for exactly 19 months and 14 days. When I first made the decision to breast feed I was not mentally prepared for what it would do to me when it came time to actually stop. How could I though, I was just a brand new mom and the focus was to keep her healthy and the house clean.
The last 10 hours have been the hardest thing that I as a mother, have had to do. Blakely really doesn't need to nurse, its just to pacify herself at bed time and bond with me right when I get home from work. I was able to dodge the first bullet and keep her occupied with her many books, puzzles, and creepy baby dolls. She actually ate dinner and it was if God was giving her a mental note saying "hey you better eat, breast milk won't be on the menu for a bedtime snack."
After a full night of interrupted sleep due to our daughter bawling because she didn't know what she did to deserve this. It was time to go to work.

I knew today was going to be difficult, but by 830 I had already chalked the day up to an emotional loss. I had to distance myself from my co-workers because if they asked me a simple 'are you okay?'  I would have lost it. I felt disgusted with myself, this mornings shower replayed in my mind as I "de-gorged" myself and let my precious, hard earned breast milk go down the drain like it didn't matter.

The drive home was even worse, the thought of coming home for round two and not being able to calm my screaming baby down was just mortifying. I'm sure people wondered what was going on with me when they glanced over at the red lights.  Here I am a grown woman, sitting in my car with make up running down my face as I bawl my eyes out like some bad break up. Pathetic. 

Walking through the door, Blakely greeted me with a huge hug and kiss and I climbed in bed with Bryan. Blakely of course tried lifting my shirt to nurse and I had to tell her no. She started crying, then I started crying, and my poor husband was left in bed holding his two girls sobbing over breast milk. I'm sure at that point he was wishing how badly he needs a boy.

As I sat with Blakely later on the couch to watch a movie, I couldn't help but to wonder what was going through her little head. She had to be sitting on me with her legs wrapped around my stomach, I suppose it was probably because she felt like I was neglecting her and that this was the only position she could be in to "feel loved."

*Side note entry- I have been using two lunchbox ice packs tucked away on both sides of my Nike sports bra for thirty minutes at a time and to all of my fellow weaning moms out there, it really helps.... and so does a 24 count box of sudafed.

So why go through the struggle of emotional heart break and distress? The idea of her nursing until she "self weans" would be okay with me. Of course with my luck, that probably would have been in grade school where it leaves her friendless and teased all the time because she still nurses from her mother. Reason being, all good things must come to an end.

Day Two
It takes 21 days to break a habit.

If this is the case then I am going to have to start drinking coffee by the gallon. Its been two days and three nights. I'm still emotional at work and my boobs are the size of saucers. Last night when Blakey tried nursing I kept telling her that they were gross and yucky but I could be covered in vinegar and this child would still want to nurse. That adjective may not work the way I want it to. This morning when the alarm went off at 4 (like every day) I got up to take a shower and in trailed Blakey. We got in the shower and I sat on the ground emotionally and physically exhausted. Sitting there with the water pounding I had to let some of the milk go or I wasn't going to fit into any of my bras for work. Blakey stopped playing with her toys just to come over and say "eww yuck" while pointing to my boobs. Ah yes, success at last. I couldn't help but to laugh and tell her good job.

I got home and almost caved! Blakely was crying and my boobs were so sore, no medication could be worth the pain that I have been feeling. Bryan helped me stay strong and so we got into bed and cuddled while watching her favorite show.


Day Three
Light at the end of the tunnel.

It may only take 21 days for the average human being to break a habit but not for Blakely. Last night she only woke up twice crying which is significantly less compared to the previous 12-15 times she did when we first started this nightmare of a journey. Scientific studies have shown that babies who are breastfed longer have a higher IQ and apparently my child is living proof of that because when I got home today she hopped off the couch, said hi, then ran off to her room to play.  Wait... What? Did this just happen? I was baffled and just went with it. She is currently eating sweet potato chips that I just pulled from the oven and by this time, she would be glued to my hip bouncing up and down whining mama for the hundredth time. Holy stars the planets have aligned and God is truly great. No this is not wishful thinking and I refuse to believe that this is probably just the calm before the storm.

We'll see how tonight goes. Fingers Crossed.


Day Four
Cabbage.

They say that Cabbage is a lifesaver for women who have engorged breasts. I pulled this from an article I read published by a Lactation Consultant: "the common green cabbage is known to contain sinigrin rapine, mustard oil, magnesium, oxalate and sulpher heterosides. It it theorized, that this natural mixture of ingredients from Mother Nature's Kitchen, helps decrease tissue congestion by dilating local capillaries which improves the blood flow in and out of the area, allowing the body to reabsorb the fluid trapped in the breasts. Cabbage also has a type of drawing or wicking action, that helps move trapped fluid.

I don't know what everyone of those ingredients are, but hey its from Mother Earth so lets give it a shot.

Bryan was at work until 5 today, so that gave us PLENTY of bonding time for us girls. We went to the store to get groceries. This has to be the number one public place I hate going with my dear princess, because she turns from princess to devil child the minute we walk past those two sliding doors. I always come prepared with snacks (raisins or goldfish) along with her fairy doll and Sofia the First toy, unfortunately for me, these never seem to pacify her longer than 10 minutes. Take a walk in my footsteps please- We walk by produce, Blakely spots the bananas, apples, and grapes. If they are placed into the cart she slides out of that pathetic "cart belt" and leans over to grab it, which ends up being pushed to the farthest side of that cart so she can't reach it. We make it to the meat section where the word "eww" always seems to slip out. Moseying our way over to the snack isle to retrieve more ammo, she suddenly decides that the snack currently in hand is no good and onto the floor they go. I can't just act like I didn't see that happen and walk away, it's not like I shop at Walmart so of course I had to pick them up and in my purse they go. She starts grabbing everything off the shelf when I tell her to pick out one snack. Everyone at this isle seems to giggle and say "oh mommy's little helper" In my head I want to yell "shut up" but a sweet little smile comes across my face. She starts to take off and running through the store. Chasing a munchkin through the store with a full grocery cart isnt really my idea of fun. I sit her back in the cart where she screams NOOOO over and over again. This is when my face turns red and I start getting hot flashes like I just hit menopause. I have to finish through that last 4 isles and quickly because my phone doesn't always keep her occupied. We make it to the register and that's normally where my phone gets chucked to the ground. Reason number one on why I can't have cute girly cases, instead my phone has to be encase in a brick in order to survive. Of course Blakely is in my arms at this point and she is wiggling around fighting desperately to get down. I say no, she hits me, I start to sweat from embarrassment, and this is when the cashier gives me a look like "thank you, this is the best birth control ever." We make it to the parking lot and Blakely likes to finish the trip with throwing her dolls on the ground. As I am picking it up a older mother walks by laughing with a smart remark like " Oh sorry for laughing, been there done that" or "Hang in there, my child is thirty and I really do miss that."
Yeah don't lie, you don't miss this. In fact I think EVERY mother looks forward to the day that they don't have to go through world war III with their kids in public places.


She keeps me busy but I'm thankful for that in a way. She skipped her nap so when dinner time rolled around she sat on the couch with me, took two bites of her pizza and passed out. Without pulling at my shirt wanting to nurse I might add. She slept about 3 hours and now I am in the living room watching Disney Jr. while she sits on her toy Motorcycle repeatedly asking "Where's Daddy?" Bryan has to be up at 5 in order to be at work on time, so looks like tonight I'll be pulling the late shift, which isn't too bad... I get to sleep in and he doesn't.

Day Five
Disambiguation

I feel like the longer I travel in this tunnel the harder it is to see the big picture. It was just wishful thinking and no planets aligned, but God is always good.
She is still having issues falling and staying asleep. I've come to find that if I sing her favorites (Give said the little Stream, A Child's Prayer, I Am a Child of God, and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star) that she'll stop moving around and whining will come to an end. How long is this suppose to keep up for? Lord knows that I cannot sing.
Food wise she's come to the realization that if she doesn't eat what's in front of her there will be no subbed meal. This usually results in her crying around nine at night because she's half starved out of her mind. We'll have to reheat leftovers and she'll consume it down like it's the next best thing to breast milk.

Truthfully, I miss it. I really do. I miss listening to her imbibe my milk. Where her hand makes it up to my face and she traces my chin and lips as she slowly falls asleep. I miss the feeling of relief when I come home from work and my boobs are sore from the days collection and she smiles because she loves this. I miss that one of a kind bonding moment that now I feel is irreplaceable. I feel like she wasn't ready to wean and that's why we are having such a difficult time adjusting. Changes like these, are the ones I hate. Life moves on and there are seasons for everything. I guess the season of trying to keep my baby a baby has taken it's final toll.
Eventually the tunnel vision will subside and I'll make it out to see that masterpiece of what we had a difficult time painting. The nights where we sleep a full eight hours if not more. Where my singing can only be heard when I'm alone in my car or drowned out by my church congregation. The meals that will be eaten on time and not when she is literally starving, and the day I wake up to my breasts being back to their smaller size and I am not having to use Ice packs and cabbage leaves to help reduce the pain.

I love her and I hope she knows this. I pray that this will be the only difficult road I have to go down with her.  I've painted everything in me and wouldn't know where to begin if I had to start on another blank canvas. This is life though, and I am sure that I will have plenty of difficult roads that are waiting in futures time.
For now, this one is enough.

"Motherhood is the greatest thing and the hardest thing."

-Rickie Lake

and that's the absolute truth.



Xo
-M

Our Story.

I suppose I should have made this the very first post in my blog. Our family's story is filled with love, laughs, and non-stop memory making. Our life is no where near perfect and we don't intend it to be. The house always needs to be cleaned, dishes pile up in the sink, Bryan and I don't agree on everything. Hardships always seems to find it's way through our door, but by the end of each day, we still thank God for the trials and tribulations and for blessing us with such strength to get through them together. This is our story, we hope you enjoy it as much as we have enjoyed making it.

I'm Morgan (twenty-two years old as of today) and I grew up between two cities in Texas (Midland + Arlington). Once graduating High School I knew I wanted to go to medical school but was not quite ready to walk down the road of long night studying and time management. I was wanting to join a sorority and "live it up" so to speak. Instead I did the best thing for me at the time and I enlisted in the US Navy as a Hospital Corpsman (scope of practice is nursing and anything the Doctor can trust you with) I spent 7 months in Chicago then moved to Beaufort, South Carolina. There I found out who I was among many other life lessons that I will forever keepclose to me.

Bryan (twenty-eight years old as of today) was my "boss" in the clinic, I didn't care for him much, in fact I couldn't stand him. Like all my relationships though, personal and social, it always works out if I dislike them in the beginning. Bryan and I went through many Ups and Downs, the majority of me dragging him through. He showed me that its okay to give myself whole heartedly and that putting walls up towards the people that we "love" are unnecessary. I knew about a month in that he was the one, no man ever treated me the way he did and with my many moods swings, most wouldn't have stood for it.

Bryan saved me in a way, he first handedly showed me who I was and who I strived to be. We were married 4 months later on Christmas eve and began our life story.

We found out we were pregnant, let me tell you that was the most scariest news that has ever been delivered to me. After many OB appointments, it was finally time to find out what we were having... it was a Girl! It brought tears to Bryan's eyes and I knew right from that moment that he would be a wonderful father and I fear for the boy that makes the wrong decision with Blakely.

Blakely was born June 21st 2012 and has brought more joy and more learning experiences to the both of us.


She truly was a blessing in disguise and we couldn't begin to think how our life would be without this little one. She likes to live her life on the edge by doing things that she clearly shouldn't. I suppose though that's the curiosity that comes with being a toddler. Her favorite movie is The Lion King and unfortunately Bryan and I have come to a STRONG disliking of the movie. Her favorite snacks are apples, goldfish, and popcorn. She loves going to Crossfit with her daddy and being just like him.

 Bryan is from Rochester, New york where the best hot sauce burgers are made. He went to college on a soccer scholarship which lead to him tearing his ACL his freshman year, in result he joined the Navy in 2008 (I was just a sophomore in high school) then later deployed to Marjah, Afghanistan in 2010 ( I was still in my Senior year) I have little insight to what all he experienced there but I do believe that difficult journey has molded him in who he is today. He's considered a hero to most and humbly declines the title as such.

This is Riley, Bryan's Marine that lost both of his legs due to an IED. If it weren't for Bryan, Riley wouldn't be with us today. 

Bryan is a devoted crossfitter, father, and husband. God could have not placed a better man in my path to father my children. He is the most understanding and patient man, I don't believe he will ever begin to know how much he means to me. He spends his time washing and waxing both of our cars, swimming, driving, cooking, and making me laugh with his "jokes."




 Chinese is one of Bryan's major food groups and protein sources for building muscle. Right now he is going down the road to becoming a PJ (pararescue) for the Air Force. It's going to be difficult but we know that God is looking out for us as a family and if it's meant to be, it will happen. He has my full support even though I am going to miss him like crazy.

As for myself, I'm a mess. I'm fickle about most of my decisions due to the lack and inability of being the very thing I wish I could be... Decisive.

I'm apart of a wonderful religion, even though I don't go as often as I need to, without a doubt this is the foundation of who I am and what I would like our family to stand on.

I enjoy my ice coffee black and my hot coffee with Hazelnut creamer. I'm a fat kid at heart and am always eating. I find more comfort in my workout clothes than I do in my Gap jeans and a J.Crew tshirt. I enjoy the vintage and shabby chic style in which I try to decorate our flat with. I've painted + distressed two pieces of furniture but thats about the extent to my creativity. I like to chase blakely around for hugs and kisses and much like her father, the two of them don't like to be smothered. I crossfit as well which is one of my outlet sources. I like routine and organization but change is always a good thing. Rearranging the furniture and cleaning is a good stress reliever. I enjoy learning about health and fitness as well as World War II ( Completely different aspects, I know). Seinfeld and any Audrey Hepburn movie can put me in a good mood after a long day. As of right now, I still have my sights set on becoming a Neonatologist in a respectable Hospital, and I look forward to fulfilling that dream. 

One of my personal goals for the year of 2014 is to simplify my way of living. I just ordered a book called 7 by Jen Hatmaker. Thanks to some inspiring words from a fellow blogger, I look forward to reading it and becoming a better person in the aspect where excess is something I won't need in my life. 

So this is us, the Vande Sandes. We live, we love, and we learn through each and every circumstance that comes our way. We're thankful for everything that God has blessed us with and continues to bless us with. We could not be a more happier family and I'm thankful for each individual that has touched our lives.

What's your story? I would love to hear about it! 

Xo

-M.