For Emily and Ruth

It's strange how death can be the reason to motivate one. You live your day as usual and stick to your set schedule. You come and go without question until suddenly, your world turns upside down. You are left without a schedule or the knowledge of what to do next. You are simply just there. Life is beautiful and short. We take advantage for what's in and around our lives. We lose interest for the little things, and lose sight of how fragile life can be. As I reflect on the daily interactions with the loved ones in my life, there's a lot of minute things that could have been left unsaid. Instances where things could have been approached differently. All avoidable but due to complacency and that "busy" schedule, I forget to value what I have and see daily. 

When losing a loved one whomever it may be, you are filled with every emotion. At times you experience them all at once and other times you are left only in awe.  Religion teaches us a little something about time. That there is a season for everything and a time to every purpose under Heaven. A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance. I have to believe that God has his reasonings unbeknownst to us. That everything in which is done, is just apart of something bigger. That not all of his doings are meant for our timing nor our understanding. That we lean on him when we can no longer stand for ourselves. 

My dear sweet Emily and precious baby Ruth, 

Know that Nick was truly loved. That he made many laugh and will continue to do so as we reflect on the wonderful memories made with him. Know that he has touched many and took a piece of us when he left. Know that just because he is not physically here, he will always be with you. Know that he loved you. Take your time to mourn but be strong and courageous. Know that you are not alone and you have family all over to lean on. Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and know that he compensates the faithful for every loss. 

Much love from Texas, 

The Vande Sandes. 

Nick- Thanks for being the big brother to me. I will miss you greatly and will laugh at our memories often. Stay out of trouble up there. 

In the end these things matter most: 

How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you let go? 

Resolu... What?

Scrolling through my news feed I was surprised to see that NO ONE had posted their New Years Resolutions. Just thinking out loud here, but maybe it's because all new years resolutions are short lived fads. Why flaunt what you want to change when you know it's going to go out the window in 4 weeks. 

Resolution: A firm decision to do or not to do something.

Have you ever had an addiction to something? I am going to use my Husband for example; Bryan was a smoker. Went from smoking a pack every few days, down to a week, then to a week and a half. The amount of time that took him to smoke a pack eventually increased until he no longer was smoking. His body had a difficult time accepting the cigarettes the less he smoked, therefore that want and pleasure of having them was no longer there.

Goal: The object of a person's ambition or effort, an aim or a desired result.

You cannot easily change something that has been a habit just by waking up one morning and saying I am not going to.. curse, smoke, drink, shop excessively, or eat bad anymore. It just cannot happen, life gets in the way, stress will obviously happen and you go to your number one comfort habit that you promise on January first you would no longer do.  It takes up to 3 to 6 weeks to break a habit, which is the start to create a new year new you goal. On top of the step by step process that needs to be in place, you must also have the dedication and mental drive to get you there.

Now stating all of this does not mean I have steered clear of jumping on the resolution band wagon. Last year if I can remember correctly I wanted to eat healthier and work out so much that my body looked somewhat close to Andrea Agers'. Despite the hundreds of hours I spent in the gym this past year, the fact that I actually ate worse in 2014 than years previous, my body obviously does not look like hers. After all, nutrition and physical exertion goes hand in hand.

This year however, I will be making goals instead of resolutions. That way if I do fail, I wont chalk it up to a total loss and put it off until 2016.

1. Practice Gratitude. A thankful heart is a happy heart. My grandfather who is 68 came from nothing. He never let his rough childhood be an excuse for him, but instead inspired him to become something greater. He is the number one person in my life that truly lives a life of gratitude and thanks God everyday for what he has and has become.
"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to udder words, but to live by them." -John F Kennedy

2. Be responsible for 100% of everything that occurs in my life versus blaming or rebutting situations. This is something which I enjoy doing 98 percent of the time. Let me tell you a brief story  of a man named William James. William James was born in the mid-1800's to a wealthy family. Growing up he had a lot of medical disadvantages that forever plagued him. William had a brother, who was perfect in the eyes of his father, something William wanted so desperately . One year he traveled to the Amazon in hopes to discover something new in the world and himself. There he contracted smallpox and nearly died. Once returning to the states and was treated, his previous medical conditions worsened from the smallpox. With being such a failure in life, he decided he was going to kill himself. Just before he did, William decided that he was going to take a 100 percent accountability for everything that happened to him within a years period. If things had not changed for the better in his life after that one year span, he would go through with killing himself. Seemingly so, he hit the nail right on the head for he came to be a great philosopher and psychologist who published a good deal of books on his theories that are still used today. So much can be undiscovered when you are busy making excuses for what life has thrown at your doorstep.

3.Emotionally Invest. Not that I haven't already invested myself in past things I have done, but I feel that 2014 I was invested in the wrong things. So my last personal goal for this year is to emotionally invest myself with identifying my roles as a mother, wife, friend, and colleague.

When you have money, it's always smart to diversify your investments. That way if one of them goes south, you don't lose everything. It's also smart to diversify your identity, to invest your self-esteem and what you care about in different areas. That way when one goes south, you're not completely screwed over and emotionally wrecked.

Funny how something so obvious can be so puzzling. Invest yourself in things that are worth it in the end.

 

 

2015 is a new year, new start, a new me, and a new us in terms of my Family. Forgive and forget and join me in archiving your year of 2014 on the shelf. Only pulling it out every so often to reflect on the personal growth and happy memories.

 

Best of luck to you and your Goals.

 

Xo

M.